I love Sandhill Cranes & getting a good closeup of one is always a wonderful thing. Tonight it kind of hit me that I've been falling out of touch with my artistic side because of all of this stuff going on with the house-there is always something & before we closed on it back in May, there was the almost year long search which took up too much of my mental energy & I haven't drawn anything for around 2 years? It's been so long, I can't remember & it might have something to do with a certain kind of sadness that I feel...For instance I was looking at a guy's page on Facebook & his wonderful pencil drawings & there was that feeling of sadness, the only thing that could compare to it is homesickness. If I don't draw, I do need to get out more with my camera.
It's been so friggin cold in Florida, unseasonably cold & for a long time. We are in the middle of painting the house during the work shutdown//holiday vacation & got slowed down by the weather (between the rain & cold & wind) & there isn't any sign that it will let up anytime soon, so this project is feeling like it will take forever. What we've gotten done so far looks good & that's the bummer of it-I want to keep going!! Tomorrow I return to work & it won't leave much time for painting afterwards & it will be cold again this weekend. By Northern standards we are probably a couple of pussies!
Speaking of homesickness, after 25 years of being away from my little hometown near Pittsburgh, PA, I still feel a desire to return.. But after this extended cold snap down here I'm not so sure because it's starting to depress me a little. It's too confining for someone who wants to be outside to do things! I'm not sure if I would want to mentally deal with months of frigid weather.
My favorite memory of winter was the heavy snowfalls that came at night. I would bundle up for a long walk in the later hours after the snow had been falling for some time & I would walk the streets of town just enjoying the clean fresh quiet, the only sound being that squeaky rub of my boots across the snow when I kicked up my feet. I let it fall in my face & in my hair when I looked up at it coming down in thick flakes through the streetlights. Maybe someday again I would like to experience something like that, it is such perfect solitude.

When I am sitting out in the carport smoking cigarettes my mind wanders as it often does & many times my thoughts are on our home...The one pictured that we closed on, May 8th of this year. This is a photo of it around the time of purchase & alot of work has been done to the yard since then. I think it was on the market for a little over a year. There was something about it that intrigued me.
What's not shown in the picture would be to the right, across the street, a home whose owner has recently passed away & the subject of my thoughts tonight.
When we moved in during the month of May, someone was still living there...The yard was maintained, the sprinklers ran every day & the grass was green & pretty, people would sit out on their screened in little porch & the wind chimes would tinkle. We were caught up in our own move-in world & I don't know the whole story but the owner passed away & relatives began to sporadically come down from South Carolina to deal with the estate.
It was nice to listen to them out on the porch after periods of silence & eventually as the weeks passed, they cleared out the house little by little, taking stuff away. That's when I began to notice the weathervane noise. It never did this before but during that time it was making this crying noise as it rotated on an unoiled pivot & I thought "What a lonely sound, it's as if the house knows the emptiness that will come & is finding a way to express the sadness over the departed owner"
The garage sale came & went, we got a good rocking chair for our smoking sessions out on the carport, among other little things, & people came & went for awhile but for the most part the house across the street on the corner stands dark & we are wondering when the realtors sign will appear.
The yard isn't what it was when we first moved in. The sprinklers no longer run to make the grass green during this unusually dry summer & brown neglected patches are showing...They have a huge ugly cactus in the yard which is shedding alot of it's "leaves" all over the grass & the weathervane doesn't trouble itself to cry out it's lonliness much anymore, it's as if the house has accepted it's fate. The realtors sign will go up & the parade will begin it's picking apart of the home's errors & faults which will increase as the home stands empty & neglected for longer periods of time. I'm already witnessing the gradual downward spiral & it saddens me.
Why?
I believe that there is a psychic connection betweeen people & the homes that they live in. There is lonliness & neglect & there is care & love that are manifested between the two. One example being the home across the street, another being ours. One can almost feel the sadness that emanates from a run down rental home versus one with proud owners who always work to improve the place.
Ours was also owned by old people & was not "updated" by today's standards & sat empty & neglected for a long time before we got it. The house itself is still in good shape but God forbid anyone can appreciate old tile being clean & in good condition, being that it's not new & updated by HGTV's standards. I want to re-do the place in respects to it's original character...It was a one owner home. And there is no hurry, I quite like alot of it's old funkiness from the old tile to the outdated wall oven that works wonderfully, to the cabinets that will last several more years with good care & the groovy light fixture balls in the sunroom & unique bathroom light fixture that another more spoiled woman might cringe at, this is our home & I don't mind mixing it's past heritage with our own..
Many times as I sit out there in the carport with a cigarette I like to just let the house "talk" to me about the right thing to do & I don't mind listening.

Trying This Again...

I've tried this site before but for some reason it never caught on with me & it goes unused till I get bored with other things & am looking for something else to do. It didn't take long for the novelty of FaceBook to wear off-I can be long winded sometimes & found that one isn't given much space for rambling thoughts over there.
But anyway..
We have this certain little guy in our lives & everytime I see him crashed out in another one of his silly ways, I always think of what his life was, & how easily it could have ended.
I work at a sheetmetal shop that used to have a steady supply of feral kittens around & he was once one of the babies that lived on the canvas roof above the metal bar stock. I could look up & see the silhouettes of cats laying up there & watch the paws as they ran across the white canvas..A couple of us would feed them but for the longest time he never came down from the roof, even long after he was weaned. When i saw him I couldn't help but think he had a wild, demonic stare so I thought of him as the Devil.
The shop cat had another litter which we rescued from the walls of the machine shop & ended up fostering out & adopting & still he remained up on the roof. One of those kittens ended up being kidnapped back by the mother & it was this kitten who ended up showing the devil how to finally get down from the roof-by scrambling down a chain link fence. The shop cat had yet another litter of kittens & it came to be that they all started hanging out near the door of my work area-they knew who the sucka was!
For awhile the Devil acted like the rest of them but he would act silly to catch my eye. The beginnings of trust & friendship were formed & solidified when he would stop & let me pet him & talk to him & scratch him behind the ears. He was always such a dirty kitty, living in a filthy shop as they all did.
When the owners wife started to trap the cats there were 7 of them-4 generations represented in the group. The trapping upset me because I hate my job & the people I work for & the cats & kittens were like a pleasant distraction that helped me through my day & it was another thing being taken away from me. From us by the selfish people who owned the place.
The first morning when he ended up in the trap, I let him go in a fit of defiance but I knew it was a matter of time & a decision had to be made.
We already had 2 cats & were living in a small apartment but were in a serious hunt for a house so when he ended up in the trap again I felt in my heart that I had to take the chance on him since he seemed so tame to me-so I took him to the vet & had him worked over & brought him home.
The only time that he seems like a wild cat is when company comes over, he disappears. Other than that he likes to trot into the kitchen with his legs moving quick like one of those little sea birds, meowing piteously for attention! He likes to be picked up for hugs & kisses & will let us flip him over so he can hang like a limp noodle in our arms, not minding the belly kisses or raspberries that follow. He is a very patient cat that doesn't mind being handled at all. I could hold him by the belly & hang him upside down-his "dare-Devil" pose, he doesn't care. He likes to keep me company while I feed the fish before going to bed, it's become a ritual with us that I look forward to at that time.
So in closing I wonder if he remembers his life on the roof & in the shop, if he remembers the starvation & the cold & the dirt. I remember it. I remember how it made me sad that I couldn't save them all-I had to choose one, the one who chose me & who's trust I could not betray.